Starting Off With Thanksgiving

It’s funny how, as a North American culture, we don’t get around to celebrating Thanksgiving until the end of the year: November for the United States, and October for our cousins in Canada.  And what’s even funnier is how, after we’ve gone around the table and given thanks for whatever pops into our head and stuffed ourselves senseless on enough food to feed a third world country, we start bidding the current year goodbye and begging the new one to hurry up and come and please be better than the last.

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When I was reviewing 2017 in my own life, I decided to look for great things that happened instead of focusing on crap that came my way, annoying people who wouldn’t leave, or, God have mercy, politics.  And what I found was that, by-in-large, 2017 was AMAZING!

  • I made it through a very difficult year of teaching – what a victory!
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    Completing a teaching credential at the same time as taking over a secondary level choral program and only being there half the time because of grad program demands was crazy-making for not just me, but all the students who needed and deserved my full attention. But we all made it, even if by the skin of our teeth…

    I finished a graduate program.

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    Master’s degree Number Two.
  • I lost 53 pounds (there’s a 2017 resolution checked off!).
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    After a lifetime of struggle, I finally found a program that works!  Feeling great these days!
  • We celebrated TWENTY YEARS of marriage!
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    I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend life with – life here and now and life there and then! I’m so grateful that God has brought us this far!
  • And we welcomed a new puppy into our home (yes, we are staying positive on that one).
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Boudicca, Destroyer of Worlds and Fartmonster Extraordinaire. Our 5-month old Rottweiler who is, regardless of what she chews or where she poos, a sweet little bundle of blessing…I will keep saying that…

So I decided to approach this year differently – starting with gratitude.  And, after all, that’s why I blog – to keep track of all God’s tender mercies that He just showers on me, day after day, month after month, year after year.

It’s so easy to get bogged down with the daily grind, isn’t it? And that grind sometimes grinds a little harder than we’d like it to.  And, for whatever reason, the negatives stick in our minds and hearts far more easily and for a lot longer than the positives.  But if we can make a habit of being consciously mindful of the wonderful things that cross our paths, it really will make our lives better.

But don’t take my word for it…you’ll listen to Huffington Post, won’t you?

“Negative attitudes are bad for you. And gratitude, it turns out, makes you happier and healthier. If you invest in a way of seeing the world that is mean and frustrated, you’re going to get a world that is, well, more mean and frustrating. But if you can find any authentic reason to give thanks, anything that is going right with the world or your life, and put your attention there, then statistics say you’re going to be better off” (from The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Healthier).

Now, habitual gratitude can be tricky to develop, so I decided to actually use one of those awesome Pinterest projects I perpetually pin; I made my very own Gratitude Jar!  I put some serious effort into this jar – we’re talking paper tearing, Mod Podge (gosh, I LOVE that stuff, and the smell…I know, totally weird…), hand lettering even.  Then I set up a little thanksgiving station in our dining room.  It’s very obvious and we will always be prompted to take a moment, write down what we’re thankful for, and drop it in the jar. I think it turned out rather well!

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Then, when New Year’s Eve rolls around again, we can spend the evening doing more than binging on Netflix and hoping the crazies won’t crash outside our house and wake us up (because we’re now old and we like to sleep in, rather than party in, the new year). We can go through each little moment of gratitude we’ve deposited and reflect on the amazing tender mercies of God as they’ve been bestowed throughout 2018.

And I daresay that, while we’re doing this, our overall outlook will be transformed.  It is, after all, our mental life that determines how we interpret our outer life.  The state of our mind is what primes us to recognize God at work, and also what primes us to miss His hand in our lives.   Paul tells us this in Romans 12:

Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2, KJV)

I am determined to grow my faith in the Savior’s guidance, and am utterly convinced that cultivating an eye for what He’s doing and a heart of gratitude for it will do just that.  And, as I recognize and give Him thanks for the small things, I will find bigger things to marvel in and bless Him for.

Have a simply BEAUTIFUL 2018!

First Step on a New Journey

I read the other day that, in the age of Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, social media venues that have launched a whole new “selfie” industry, our society is breeding more and more narcissists.  Wikipedia, that font of all knowledge, tells the story of a young man named Narcissus:

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“In Greek mythology, Narcissus (/nɑːrˈsɪsəs/; Greek: ΝάρκισσοςNárkissos) was a hunter from Thespiae in Boeotia who was known for his beauty. He was the son of the river god Cephissus and nymph Liriope.  He was proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus lost his will to live. He stared at his reflection until he died. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one’s physical appearance and/or public perception” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)).

Having been a social worker, clinical and otherwise, I can professionally attest that to be diagnosed a narcissist takes a lot – and I mean a lot – more than being obsessed with one’s physical appearance and/or public perception.  When I left social work, I gave away my DSM (diagnostic manual), so I won’t go any further than that.  But I will say that, as so many others, I do get tired of seeing selfies…

…unless they’re mine.  Oh, I have become a selfie queen.  When I started losing weight 2 years ago, I discovered that I’m kind of cute!  And I really liked seeing my new, thinner self on screen.  Since then, I have mastered the art of manipulating light and angle and facial position to successfully camoflage jowls, multiple chins, and wrinkles.  The power of retouching is harnessed in a cell phone and is mine for the clicking!

My selfies are GORGEOUS…and they hide so much:

  • days when makeup is too much work to deal with
  • moments when my dazzling smile is overwhelmed by stress and tears
  • 30 pounds of weight gain

Yes, I have gained 30 pounds since last September.  That’s roughly three pounds a month, and it’s a whole lot easier to put on than to take off.

This ticks me off, because it had been coming off so easily.  Already being gluten- and caffeine-free, it seemed I could eat anything as long as I hit my bike and kept up with my walking and yoga.

There’s a big difference between 45 and 47, however; we won’t talk about the hormonal shifts that have commenced in just the last few months.  We can talk about being middle-aged and in grad school again, the hours my backside has been stuck to a chair instead of on my bike, the stress of a new position that brought it’s own cortisol-inducing situations, and my growing addiction to SUGAR.

Well.  At least it wasn’t 50.

And, my Heavenly Father, with His inimitable tender mercy, crossed my path with another woman whose midlife looked an awful lot like mine.  As had her waist.  She shared with me what she’d been doing to shed her own midlife baggage, and inspired me to do the same.

My life is, for the most part, an open book, so I’m going to post my Day 1 photos and, every now and again, I’ll share how my journey to optimal health is going.  Unlike my myriad of adorable selfies, these photos are raw and uncensored: nothing hidden, nothing retouched – just an honest reflection of the state of this temple, which is now undergoing some serious remodeling and long overdue maintenance.

Here we go – front view:

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Starting weight: 245.5 pounds.  Still 55 pounds less than my heaviest about 10 years ago, but I certainly don’t want to get any closer to that!

Aaaaaand side view (just breathe!):

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Starting measurements: waist 40″; hips 52″; bust 44″; neck 16″; calf 18″; thigh 28″; upper arm 16.5″.  Note the jowls and double chin.  They’ll soon be GONE!

I’m 47 years old.  I started my first diet when I was four.  I remember the nurse who told my mother to only let me have one piece of toast, rather than two.  That was the start of my battle against my body.

The body that God Himself crafted for me, I tried to destroy – fad diets, bulimia, overexercise – I tried it all.  And the one time I seemed to be losing weight effortlessly and naturally – two years ago – turned out to be a trauma response.  Life isn’t traumatic anymore, so it came right back.

But something has changed in the last two years, the two years I’ve been nestling into the God who loves me and calls me “daughter”:  I’ve come to truly love myself.

Which is why I can post my fat pictures.  Because even though this temple in which I reside is very unhealthy right now, it is still beautiful because it houses a princess.  It has carried me, sheltered me, protected me [I also won’t go into how fat can be quite the protective mechanism].  It has walked and biked and danced and sang.  It is worthy of my respect and my love.  Not in a narcissistic, obsessive way, but in a let’s-give-you-what-you-need-to-thrive sort of way.  It’s time I gave it that respect, that love in return.

If I hadn’t seen my friend’s Facebook post a few weeks ago, about her own amazing journey to health, I would still be stuck.  As it is, I have taken my first step on my own amazing journey, surrounded by encouraging and inspiring people who walk with me.

What a tender mercy!